Very few people escape their childhoods without some kind of trauma. Most of us experience shocks to our system early on in life, this includes our own birth where we experience our first detachment or abandonment experience according to psychology.
The trauma can become specially prominent and painful when they are caused from not so natural causes like abuse, loss, physical and emotional abandonment and neglect.
Though in most cases these incidents seem not very significant at the surface, for a child that does not have much reasoning capacity, they may internalize these experiences along with the belief that they were responsible for causing the incident.
This often cause the child to harbor emotions of shame, guilt, lack of personal worth, low self esteem and feelings of not being good enough. With these beliefs and emotions, living life can be quite painful and difficult.
Most people are able to live happily despite experiencing some trauma in early life. But if the incidents were very severe and emotionally traumatic, the negative beliefs and emotions that were triggered during the traumatic incidents can still run our lives today.
You often hear life coaches talk about changing the subconious programs and limiting beliefs. This is referring to releasing the negative emotions that we’ve been holding onto specially from early life and changing the associated beliefs that have been etched into our subconscious.
Reprogramming the subconscious is not always easy however. Specially in the case where the childhood was deprived of certain key experiences for a prolong periods of time.
When there was trauma or deprivation, a child aspect of you gets left behind, unable to progress to the next stage of development. The rest of you grow into adulthood. But there is this sense of having two different aspects of you, a child you and an adult you.
A child like side to you is rebellious, playful, easily angered, cheeky and seek attention. The adult aspect of you can be quite serious and even responsible. But when the inner child aspect is strong in someone this aspect tends to take over them more often.
Psychologists will often refer to this from the perspective of lack of brain connection in different part of the brain. Emotional and rational aspects of the brain not operating harmoniously. .
This often cause people to self sabotage and not act and behave in a responsible way.
The best therapy in my experience for this situation is inner child therapy. This may be through a psychotherapist through role playing or by your self through visualisation.
It involves connecting to the child aspect of you and treating that aspect as their own individual. Then the adult aspect of you asking the inner child aspect to express their needs, wants and emotions.
The adult you then create space for your inner child to express them selves without any barriers and meet their needs by taking action in the now or by visualizing doing certain things.
As you get more comfortable doing this therapy, the inner child aspect of you come forth more easily with what they need and want.
If anyone has had a loss or abandonment in early life then they would have a lot of trust issues and these types of people could benefit from doing this exercise on their own as working with anyone can be a uncomfortable experience for them. Otherwise we can employ the help of a psychotherapist.
It is a very creative experience. You can create situations and scenarios to meet the need of the inner child as you continue with this therapy. The inner child aspect of you will express exactly what they are wanting from you.
This technique is very powerful as it helps you release emotions as well as change your core belief systems as the inner child aspect gets more and more of their needs met.
Most of the time, the inner child just wants to be heard and understood.
This therapy can be supplemented with medication in some cases. It is always good to seek the help of a professional.
Many people who have tried this therapy have had very positive results and permanent changes.
A good reference that I can recommend is the book “Journey from Abandonment to Healing” by Susan Anderson.
Thanks for reading~~