Being yourself when others project themselves on to you

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Projection is a behavior that we see in many family, friendship and romantic relationship dynamics.

Narcissistic projection is a quite a well known phenomena. But anyone can exhibit this behavior at certain times in their lives.

In healthy relationships, the two people have certain common interests, goals, values and needs that allow them to connect and share their lives together.

In an unhealthy relationships, where two parties are not on the same page, one person may project their needs and wants on to the other in unhealthy ways.

The expectation then becomes that the other person meet those needs even if they are not in alignment with the inner truth of this person.

We all need to compromise to an extent in relationships to meet the needs of others and get our own needs met. As healthy individuals, we communicate needs clearly to get them met and also try our best to meet the other person’s needs. This is how a healthy relationship based on reciprocity should function.

However projection is quite common in many relationship dynamics. It happens when one person projects on to another and shows no reciprocity. Its like one person becomes another person’s unofficial slave.

Negative projection could also happen when one person project their beliefs on to another expecting them to live by them even when this person may not resonate with them.

The person experiencing projection can experience a lot of inner turmoil. They feel an inner conflict around choosing their own beliefs over the ones that have been projected on to them. This can make life very unpleasant.

Not all projection is bad however. Sometimes, a person may project in a positive way as they see the other person’s capability and potential which they cannot see in them selves. In this case, projection is healthy.

The only real way to overcome negative projection is to start building a positive relationship with our selves. Learning about our needs and wants. letting go of hang ups, worries and fears through inner work, reprogramming negative beliefs and spending alone time getting to know our selves.

Once we know who we are at our core, it becomes hard for someone to project on to us that which we are not. It also becomes hard for us to be around people who don’t resonate with our inner needs and wants.

So it comes down to us learning about our inner selves and living in accordance with who we truly are. It takes some work to start building trust in our selves and to have a strong inner sense of self.

But once we have mastered our selves to an extent, most projection we experience will be of the positive kind.

Thanks for reading.

Cultivate an Attitude of Fun

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We can often get caught up in the everyday responsibilities and allow the burdens to overwhelm us. This often makes life feel like a lot of work.

Despite life being a lot of work, we need to find ways to make each step fun.

Because joy and fun are high vibrational emotions, that help us move through life easier.

Not every person can default to being in a state of joy and fun easily.

Some people have certain childhood programming they are operating from that often make them default to lower vibrational emotions.

But the good news is we can change these programming through dedicated inner work.

Many times we operate on programs based on beliefs like I am not good enough, I am not worthy or I don’t belong.

It takes time and repetition to change them through meditation, affirmations, visualization, writing and contemplation.

Once we change our core beliefs, it becomes much easier for us to make each moment joyful.

No matter what our circumstances are, finding ways to make life a little joyful can help us breeze through life much easier and manifest better.

It takes engaging in activities that bring joy into our lives, spending time with friends, shifting our focus on the good things in front of us and embracing the child within us.

Life after all, is meant to be enjoyed and not just tolerated.

Thanks for reading.

Positive thoughts makes you a magnet for more positive things

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We all know the importance of positive thinking. For a start, it is this mindset that helps us stay happy,grateful and satisfied in life.

Positive thinking also helps us take actions towards our goals and helps us persist even when the times are hard.

It is the mind set that attracts good things to us. Many of us overlook the fact that we are energetic beings. Our energetic vibration is largely dependent on our thoughts and mindset. The more positive and grateful we are the more the nature/universe will be positive and grateful back to us.

If you have seen the movie “The secret”, you would know how our mind and thoughts dictates what we attract. We can have everything we want as long as our thoughts are aligned in that direction in a positive way.

Some of us need to cultivate the habit of positive thinking because we were not born with it or was not taught it. Many people develop lack mindsets in their early life which keeps them away from having a happy life.

So what are some things we can do to get our mind into a state of gratefulness and happiness. Below are some practical tips.

  1. Remembering the good that is already in your life – This is where we remember all the things we are grateful for no matter how small. This changes our mood to a happy state instantly.
  2. Letting go – Learning to let go of things when it is time. Holding on to things can bring a great deal of suffering, worry and anxiety. In this state, it is hard for us to be positive. We can instead learn to focus on committing to letting go of things. Even when it is painful, we must remind our selves things are not permanent in life and one day we must leave everything behind.
  3. Connecting with loved ones and like minded people – Our minds can turn negative when we are alone and isolated. So one good thing to do is to keep connections with our friends and loved ones strong and positive.
  4. Positive Affirmation – If your mind keeps saying something negative about your self, change it to a positive and repeat this in your mind. Overtime your mind will accept this new belief as its own.
  5. Positive Music – Music has the power to raise our vibrations very quickly. So listening to positive music everyday, can help us have a better mindset.
  6. Watch and read inspirational content – We are lucky that we live at a time when we have access to so much inspirational content. Listening to these can help us shift our mindset instantly.

All the above can help us shift our mind set into a positive and in turn our emotions and vibration will also become positive. From this space we can start to attract more positive into our lives.

Thanks for reading

Dos and Don’t for empaths and Highly Sensitives

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There are many people among us that are highly sensitive. They maybe sensitive to food, substances, noise, emotions of others and even energies. This means that most things that are considered negative for an average person can throw the empath out of balance much easier and quickly.

They are easily affected by other people’s energies and emotions. They can feel easily overwhelmed by other people’s negative emotions. Unhealthy food like excess sugar can be too stimulating for them. Noisy environments can make them feel unsettled and stressed out.

A lot of this has to do with the sensitive anatomy of these individuals. They can’t expose themselves to negative things and get away with it easily like an average person can.

This means there are certain things they need to avoid and things they should do to remain centered.


  1. Avoid getting into partnerships with negative, controlling and draining individuals – Empathic people have very weak boundaries which means they are very easily affected by others emotions and energies. Often this is an unconscious habit developed at a young age encouraged by people around them who constantly made the empath ignore their own needs and wants. So the empathic person has become hyper aware of what is happening around them in terms of energies and emotions than what is happening inside of them. This often means any person the empath get into a partnership with will have a very big influence on them whether it is someone they are friends with, live with, married to or have a business partnership with. This also means many empaths need to move away from their family of origin at least for a period to start to learn about their own emotional boundaries and needs.

2. Avoid stimulating and Unhealthy food – Empath are easily affected by food. Their digestion is also not very strong. This means they need to reduce sugar, white flour, alcohol and other substances that can easily throw them out of balance. Nourishing, clean and wholesome food is a must for sensitive people. They can also use herbs and spices in order to make the dishes more digestible like ginger, tumeric etc.

3. Avoid watching disturbing content and consuming too much content in general– Disturbing content like too much negative news and horror films can cause the empath to go out of balance. So they should reduce consuming too much of these things. They should also reduce too much content specially online. Because content is so easily available, it is easy to get carried away consuming too much. This can bring the person into a state of over stimulation and unrest. So make it a point to only watch a few positive videos and read positive content online.

4. Avoid Guilt/ Self Blame and Shame – Empathic people feel guilt very easily for things that happen around them. They often incorrectly assume they are responsible for something going wrong in their environment and with people they are with even when they are not. This comes from a childhood where they were made to feel responsible for other’s emotions. So empathic persons need to practice balancing these thoughts to more realistic form of thinking. This maybe something like “that person got hurt, I wish I could have done something. But I was not able to and it is not my fault.” as opposed to “It is all my fault”. Empaths also need to reduce negative and self deprecating thoughts about themselves. Change “I am not good enough” to “I am perfectly fine as I am and I would not be here if I was not needed in this world”. Honoring that nature has created all of us because we are needed individually for the collective to function properly is a good mind set to adapt.


1.Do Start honoring ones needs – Empathic person should come to a space where they can start to honour their needs and emotions. This may mean becoming financially and physically independent from individuals that are controlling and negative. This also mean learning to identify what their core needs are. Always mentally noting why they are doing something/ the actual core need they are meeting by doing something is a good way to understand their needs as individuals. This has to become an awareness practice they do on a daily basis.

2. Pay attention to emotions in the body – Empath needs to learn to focus their attention towards their inner emotions. Because they are very tuned to the emotional environment of others, this takes practice. It is a good practice to do periodic body scans to feel and name the emotions they are feeling at a given point in time.

3. Own their space – They should not make them selves small. They have this quality of turning their personality and sense of self inwards. Its as though they don’t want to express who they are to the outside world. Empaths need to start holding their own space and project their energy outward without any inhibitions.

4. Do visualization techniques to heal the energetic body – We are not just made up of our physical body. We have the emotional and energetic bodies that we also need to heal. To heal the energetic body we can harness the power of focused attention through visualization. one technique is to imagine spots where there are rips in the energetic body (your imagination will automatically do this). Then imagine the blocked energies at the rips being drained to the ground through clear tubes and healing golden energy is repairing the rips. It sounds strange, however it seems to work from an experiential perspective. The vedic tradition tries to alter the energies through sounds known as mantras and this is something that can help also.

5. Do some visualization to release anger and resentment – Anger an resentment drain our energy from the inside. Empaths are already very open to energy being pulled away from them due to lack of boundaries. Therefore they cannot afford to have energy being drain from inside of them. Any time we hold anger and resentment this generates compulsive thoughts that drain us of our energy. So again a visualization technique can help here. First visualize miniature versions of the people you need to forgive coming one at a time and apologizing to you. Then visualize you forgiving them. Visualization has the power to help you release emotions.

6. Do visualization to change core memories that started negative thinking patterns – Negative thinking affects our self esteem, drains us of energy and creates negative behaviors. Negative thoughts may originate from a core memory that started a certain belief. So by allowing your self to go back in time in your thoughts to when the core memory may have happened and then observing all the feelings and any thoughts that were getting triggered can help release these negative beliefs. This takes work and practice. Then following on from that, watching how we still operate from these same beliefs now and consciously changing the thoughts for example from I am not safe to I am safe and in control can help us live a better day to day life.

7. Work with a therapist to get to the root of thoughts and behaviors patterns – A therapist may be able to help hone in on the specific types of issues we are dealing with in terms of the beliefs and thinking patterns. Sometimes we may not be able to see our compulsive thinking and behavior patterns so having someone else ask the right questions can help us see the patterns in our thinking and behavior.

~~Thanks for reading~~

Integrating the self to become more balanced

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I think all of us are skewed in how we think, see the world and how we behave. It might be too much to the left or too much to the right of the bell curve of integration. Perfectly balanced people will sit right in the centre of the curve, but these types of people are rare.

We may be too artistic and less logical, too intuitive and less practical, too pessimistic and less optimistic, too perfectionist and less accepting or vise versa.

Integration means to bring ourselves closer to the middle of that bell curve, where we have a balance of both aspects. It won’t be a perfect balance, but it will be close.

That is why its always good to improve aspects of our selves that are weak.

I think many people instinctively do this. But at times of stress they tend to fall back on to their default mode, unless they practice and develop new habits.

Coming to a middle path by releasing all extreme thinking and behaviors is the inner work we are advised to do in many healing modalities, therapy and spirituality.

Even though what is not natural to you feels uncomfortable at the beginning when you engage in these things it brings you a sense of satisfaction in the long run.

Often counselors try to bring our thinking into balance though CBT therapy by balancing how we interpret certain situations. This is so the situation is seen not from a lense of extreme thinking, but a balanced point of view, where good and bad are both acknowledged.

Most times we feel a sense of balance just by being in our community as the group as a collective balance out each others extremes. The group can also challenge each person to deal with their extremities and bring balance to each individual person. This can be smooth or rough depending on how the situation plays out.

It takes constant awareness of the self to reset the balance as we very easily get thrown off it due to external circumstances that trigger our default extremities.

Exercise, meditation and self assessment/correction can be very helpful in this process of integration.

Thanks for reading~~

Empathy and Anxiety

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Empaths are natural worriers. They often have their emotional radar turned outwards towards others and their environment and often neglect their own emotions. Their whole body is constantly on alert ready for the slightest of queues which then leads to a whole lot of thoughts which in turn leads to anxiety.

Unfortunately, this means that they are constantly on edge. Anxiety is very much a part of being an empath or a sensitive person.

The emphatic person needs to treat this trait as it is a habit that they need to change by taking daily action.

This takes work to calm down the nerves and to reprogram the thought patterns triggering anxiety inside the body. Sometime this may need the help of herbs and supplements.

Some things that may help empaths break their habit of anxiety includes:

1.Daily Affirmations – As a daily practice the empath needs to say phases like “I am not responsible for others emotions and thoughts”. “But I am responsible for my own thoughts and feelings,and I choose to let go and be happy”. These affirmations should over time reprogram the thought patterns and change the subconscious patterns about our own and others emotions. This should also help ease the feelings of shame and guilt. Ideally this exercise should be done with a mirror.

2. Meditation – Part of the reason why we feel anxious is the constant stream of thoughts inside our heads. So to overcome this, the empath should start a daily morning and night meditation practice. Meditating by focusing the attention on the rise and the fall of the abdomen can give our mind a break from generating more thoughts. Overtime this helps ease the anxiety. The other advantage of this is that this exercise takes the attention to the lower parts of the body bringing a sense of groundedness to the individual.

3. Body Scan – Anxiety comes from not being grounded in the body. So doing a daily body scan, where attention is taken from one body part to the next covering all body parts can help the person ground. This exercise is amazingly relaxing and can even help you have better sleep.

4. Taking Calming herbs – Sometimes we need the help of a naturopath or an Ayurvedic practitioner and their insights on the herbs we can take to calm our nerves down. Often times the anxiety may be related to the body not functioning in the correct way and we need the help of nervine herbs and other medicinal herbs to bring a sense of calm back into the body.

5. Diet rich in Healthy fats and proteins – A diet rich in healthy fats and proteins are recommended to clam down the body. Ayurveda also suggests a similar approach of eating ojas rich food like nuts, ghee, dates and milk which helps nourish the body.

6. Be part of a community of loving people – Nothing can reduce anxiety more so than feeling part of a secure and loving community. So it is good to engage with your friends and loved ones to help you see the reality of things and to just help you calm down your nerves.

7. Letting go of fear – A major issues that empaths have to face is their persistent sense of fear. Fear of of belonging, fear of the future or fear of hurting someone. To curb this, the empath needs to again do daily affirmations like “I let go of all fears. I trust and let go. I belong and I am ok”. These affirmations should help the empath feel more of a sense of safety.

8. Grounding – Walking barefoot outside has tremendous benefits when it comes to anxiety. It really helps to bring a sense of calm and peace to the mind and the body. Spending time outside in general is extremely good for grounding.

If all or some of the above are done on a daily/regular basis, the empathic person will find that their anxiety reduces overtime.

The hard part is incorporating these practices into the daily routine and doing them consistently.

But if you keep at it, it only gets easier.

Thanks for reading~~

Create to Replenish

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We all need a creative outlet. And it is not just for fun.

It’s a way for us to replenish ourselves.

The reason I write is for this reason.

In fact it is a daily need of humans to spend sometime creating.

I think people see it as a waste of time.

But the people who find most satisfaction in life are those that spend some time each day creating.

It is not to gain anything material, nor is it to show case your skills (unless of course you want to, and there is nothing wrong with that).

The point is that it is a very personal experience of getting in touch with your inner self.

You do it for the sheer pleasure of engaging in the process of creation.

This could be painting, gardening, making music, dancing, cooking, carpentry the list could go on and on.

Whatever the activity is, it provides a escape from the regular train of thought and allow us to tap into the creative parts of our brains.

In this state we feel replenished as opposed to mentally and physically drained. It makes us feel alive. It is one of the the best ways to heal from any negative emotion.

Creating everyday for at least five minutes is a great escape and a source of replenishment.

Thanks for reading~~

Connecting to a Community!

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Its been said that being part of a community is a human survival need.

However, people often avoid it due to social anxiety and fear of judgement.

But it still remains a fundamental need for majority of the people.

The famous rat experiment from the 1980’s claimed that being part of a community cured addiction.

The experiment involved placing several rats in a rat park and placing a number of rats individually in cages with no contact to other rats. In both scenarios, rats had access to fresh water and water with morphine added. What they found was that rats who were isolated in cages, consumed a lot more water containing morphine than did the rats that were placed in the rat park.

Now this experiment is not a ”be all and end all’ when it comes to proving the effectiveness of a community in reducing addictive behavior. However it shows tendency in animals to develop bad habits when in isolation.

But of course the thing that we need to remember is that the nature of the community also matters. It needs to be a community that share our interests and needs to be one that we feel connected to. In my experience, I gained a great deal of satisfaction from being part of communities and engaging in something I loved.

Some benefits of being part of a community includes:

  1. Feeling a sense of belonging – A like minded community provides a sense of belonging. Often times young people can feel isolated as they don’t feel as though they fit in with the people in their life. So by finding a community that comes together to perfect a certain skill can give them a sense of belonging.
  2. Access to mentors – Often times, youngsters need role models and mentors who can provide support and inspiration to pursue their path of interest. A community of like minded people can provide this. Senior members in the community can help youngsters learn skills faster and inspire them just with their presence. The focus of the community will be on honing a skill rather than the individual and their life circumstances. This provides a great escape for many youngsters.
  3. Chance to be your authentic self – We all at our core want to be our most authentic selves. But often we hold back due to fear of being judged. But with a like minded community, we can be ourselves, because everyone is going through the same fears, worries and have the same goals. This also help boost confidence.
  4. Make great friends – In a like minded community, it is easy to meet people who think like you.As you grow and evolve together in your journey, you become great friends. The connections are often meaningful and life long due to shared experiences.

So being part of a like mind community has many benefits.

Often times its nerve wrecking to approach a community. And sometimes we need to develop inner confidence first. But it provides some major benefits to many people once we get involved with a community.

Nowadays the community can be online. But the same rules apply and you can gain the same great benefits.

Thanks for reading~~

Cleanse The Mind’s Palate

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Do you often wish that you can make the mind completely fresh and new?

It seems as though it is filled with so many thoughts and impressions.

Some are truly our thoughts but majority are impression left behind by the content we consume and what we are exposed to in our environments.

The mind does not take long to get dirty, specially in this chaotic digital era.

Our minds need more cleansing than do our bodies, in fact it should be cleansed multiple times during the day.

At least this feels true to me.

There are many ways to cleanse the mental palate.

Some that I found to work are:

Meditation – It is just a simple act of taking the attention away from the mind and into the rising and falling of the abdomen (as a result of the breath). This does not mean that the mind will not generate thoughts, but rather your energy and attention will not be drained by the mind during meditation. So the thoughts generated by the mind will be less. Its that awareness that the mind is just another organ like the heart and we do not need to get fixated on it. And in fact you begin to realize that thoughts are very random and discrete the way they happen. You realize that it is not a narrative reciting your life story on the background.

Grounding is another a great tool. Just spending time outside in nature seems to clear the mind. The research has now been found that its due to the electrical nature of our bodies. We need to ground our system to get the electrical balance back into the body. There is a movie that covers all the science behind this on you tube, which I stumbled upon and was really fascinated.

Ocean – Spending time near the ocean has always been really calming and relaxing to me. This goes for bathing in salt water too. I am not sure what the science behind this is. But it seems calm the mind and cleanse the body from pent up emotions.

Mantra/ Affirmations – Certain sounds seem to have a calming effect on the mind. There are certain ancient mantras that people recite to calm there minds and bodies. The sound vibrations are said to affect the water molecules in the body. Water is highly affected by vibrations as they have proven with many experiments. The very structure of the water molecules seems to change based on what it is been exposed to. So this is another tool. I find that it is quite effective. This is a common practice that is followed in the vedic tradition.

People have gotten used to escaping into their minds when the outer world is not so pleasant. Additionally , there is now another escape in the way of social media and content online which adds further content to the mind.

So it has become a necessity to cleanse the mind multiple times a day.

I know that people who are in the habit of praying multiple times a day automatically do this.

But the others need to make a conscious effort. It needs to become part of the daily routine for many people to get the mind back into balance.

I know that I need to do this. Being a compulsive thinker and analyser, I need to use one of the tools above often to get a sense of peace.

Thanks for reading~~

Vulnerability – Being Vulnerable With One Self!

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There is a big movement happening right now to make people understand the importance of vulnerability.

Vulnerability to me just means being able to be completely honest and open about ones needs, emotions, wants and beliefs.

Everybody struggles with this one, more than they care to admit.

I think we all at a certain level know that being vulnerable means we are giving a reason for people to judge us and put us down.

Unfortunately, it has been a way of existing. I have been on both ends of this. I thought I was never a one to judge but it didn’t take much to start conforming to the how things were happening around me. And if I really took a closer look at my inner thoughts, there were certain prejudices and hang ups that had built up over time due to involuntary hypnosis.

So yes. Knowing this, it is hard to be vulnerable.

I have always felt that being vulnerable about my emotions, needs and wants put me in a weak place. So being closed off and independent was an easier way to be.

The times I was vulnerable about being hurt, I was told, they only did that because you cry all the time.

The times I expressed my opinions, needs and wants, there was a louder voice that followed which drowned my voice.

The times I went to others for help, I was put into a permanent victim state. And I was told you don’t know how to live, you need to do what I do and essentially become a support to someone else’s life style.

All these things did one thing. It made me feel a sense of guilt inside of me for being me.

So here began the pattern of keeping my true self locked up inside, so even I was not able to see it.

So I came to the realization that first step to vulnerability, is about becoming vulnerable with our own selves. Being honest with our own selves about what we are feeling, what we need and want.

Its never about what we express to the outer world, but its always about what we are expressing to our own selves.

After all the programming we’ve experienced, we often don’t know what we are feeling, what we need and what we believe.

It tasks time away from everyone and just being on your own to understand what it is that we have been bottling up inside, what we actually need and who we are as people at this moment. It is a step by step process.

First step is paying attention to the current emotional state. Whats happening inside right now. How much is old emotions that need to be released and how much is emotions that is happening right now.

Second step is starting to honor one’s own needs. Are you doing the activities you want to do, are you eating the food you want to eat and are you with the people you want to be with. These are things to evaluate and see whether we need to make changes in these areas.

Third step is learning the techniques needed to express our selves to others. We all live in a community of some sorts and to express our most authentic selves to others, we need to know the correct way to do it. This is hard for many people as not many people learn to express emotions as they are happening or express their needs. This does not mean immediately reacting to emotions, but rather learning to acknowledge them and knowing which ones need to be expressed and how.

So I think that vulnerability is a skill we need to start developing step by step. We are born vulnerable, but not many of us live life that way.

But we can learn to be vulnerable by looking at our own selves more closely.

Thanks for reading ~~